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For your mid-afternoon slump: Michael Stagliano is lucky in love.

Remember this sad face from Bachelor Pad?

sadface

Well you can bet it’s back because Michael Stagliano is officially engaged. I would say he’s officially off the market, but we all saw what happened to his first engagement, so hang in there, Rachel. All is not lost.

I found out about the engagement last week during my routine Instagram stalking when I came across this post from Michael.

photo 1

Way to hash tag the name of your tour on your engagement announcement. Nothing screams romance like self-promotion.

So these two started dating right before he left to go on Bachelor Pad. Which means that early in their relationship, Michael was jamming his tongue down someone else’s throat.

tongue

Oh, and not just Rachel.

literallydonna

But I guess this one doesn’t count because he was just making Donna’s dreams come true.

Look, I’m not saying he’s rushing into things with his new fiancee, but I’m pretty sure that if I saw my fiance making out with someone else on national television less than a year before he proposed, it might give me a little pause. Although, in fairness to his fiancee, I would be having reservations about marrying him in general, so maybe I’m not the best measuring stick. And they ARE super in love according to her Instagram caption of this picture:

ring on it

Emily wrote, “If one picture could define our relationship, this might be it! Goofy, madly in love, and having fun every second! I love you, @michaelstag!” Are they literally having fun every second? Because, if so, that seems like a lot of fun. Michael also posted a close-up of the ring for us.

photo 3

I guess unfunny people will never let go of “put a ring on it.” Thanks, unfunny people of the world, for ruining that song for me. I can’t tell if the ring is legit huge, or if it’s an optical illusion. Can being a fake rockstar really make you that much money? Maybe he’s bringing in the big bucks with merchandise sales thanks to people like my sister, who bought me these for Christmas:

stagswag

Guess she didn’t feel like splurging for the t-shirt so I could get a personal thank-you/love note from Michael. 

Well, good luck to you Michael. I hope this one works out better for you because everyone deserves true love. Even people who take douchey pictures like this.

ugh

And if it doesn’t, I’m sure Rachel will welcome you back with open arms.

sadz


Arie’s Back on the Market

holy hair

If you look at my timeline on Facebook, in 2012 I liked Emily Maynard, Arie Luyendyk Jr., Barack Obama, and my dog walker. It’s a bit deceiving because I don’t actually like Emily Maynard. I do, however, support Arie, the President, and my dog walker and wish the best for all of them in 2013. So it brought me some sadness last night to see Arie’s most recent Facebook post:

Just to clear the air on dating Courtneywe are [no] longer seeing each other. I want everyone to know she got a bad rap on The Bachelor and truly is an AMAZING person but we just both wanted more private relationships. I wish her the best and I hope we’ll remain friends.

Once again, I am taking a breakup that has no impact on my life way too hard. I really want Arie to be happy, and since I’m already married, I have some suggestions for people he could date in 2013. (Because obviously I would be an option if I wasn’t married.)

1. Blakeley. Now that she and Tony are over, she’s back on the market, and I think she could really help Arie class up his image.

classy

2. Jamie. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out with her and Sam the Eagle, but I think it’s time for her to combine her flawless style with someone new.

jamie

3. Erica Rose. She has a law degree. I hear those are super hard to get.

rose

4. Rachel. She’s a good speller.

spell

5. And finally, what about Melissa from Bachelor Pad 2? She seems fun.

cry5

cry1

cry2

cry3


Another one bites the dust.

We all saw the demise of Jemily coming, but how in the world could we have predicted that Tony and Blakeley wouldn’t work out?? Yep, that’s right readers, Tony and Blakeley have ended their engagement. But don’t worry, it’s not like they didn’t give it everything they had. Tony said, “We had a counseling session.” Oh, you went to a single counseling session, and it didn’t work out? Well, at least you really gave it your all. I was actually pretty surprised by this. I mean, just last week she tweeted this photo of them with the caption, “I absolutely love you.”

The next day we had another picture with, “Love this man!”

But then she started tweeting pictures of quotes, which is not only annoying but a sign that someone is feeling angsty.

Who started the fad of posting pictures of quotes? As I mentioned above, it annoys me.

I told Husband about this story, and he asked if I thought we should go to counseling. I told him I thought everything was going well with us, so I wasn’t sure why we needed to go to counseling. His response?  “Why do people wait for counseling until things are bad? Shouldn’t we be proactive about it?” Weird, but if I had to choose between this hairbrained idea and a dream catcher above our bed, we would definitely be going to counseling. (Actually, that’s a lie; counseling seems like a lot of effort. Apparently Tony and Blakeley agree.)

Here’s what else Tony told People about the split:

It was like a fairy tale at first when we were on the show and afterward. It was like a vacation – we were in the honeymoon stage. Then when she moved here, it was really difficult for both of us. Blakeley had to start over a new life – there were so many stresses. The honeymoon stage drifted away. We were both going through the motions and we weren’t as happy as we could have been. It was a mutual decision [to end our relationship]. I really hope we’ll stay friends. Right now, it’s really hard. But I’ll always love her.

Well, that’s understandable. I mean, starting a successful waxing career from scratch in a new locale is enough to put stress on any relationship. But don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll stay friends forever.

I can’t stand when people are shocked that the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever. Did they really think their relationship would always consist of making out on driveways and trying to balance fine china?

I mean, they were engaged. She moved to Oregon to be with him. Maybe I am naive. Maybe engagements don’t mean as much when Neil Lane pays for the ring, but I was rooting for these two. I guess not all fairy tales have happy endings.


For your mid-afternoon slump: Michael Stagliano has outdone himself.

Omg I can’t believe sometimes I forget that not only am I a musician, but I’m also an author!


Are they?

If you’ve visited my blog before, you know I’m a pretty dedicated stalker. So it should come as no surprise to you that one of the first things I do in the morning is check my Instagram feed to see what’s been going on during my slumber. This morning I checked my feed and discovered THIS:

I was all, whaaaaat? I mean, I know Rachel and Eagle are friends, and they’ve been hanging out recently when he’s in NYC.

 And Jaclyn tweeted this picture on Saturday night.

But I was obviously still surprised to see Rachel kissing Eagle on the lips and announcing it to the world, so I went on Twitter to look into this further. I saw that Rachel had tweeted “Are we?” with the picture, and Chris had retweeted it. My mind was officially blown. I put my phone down and decided to do more research once I was on my computer. This is where the plot thickens. When I got to work and checked Twitter, the tweets were GONE! So obviously now I’m in quite the tizzy. Are they dating? Are they messing with us? Do they realize what this is doing to the emotions of crazy people like me? Is she trying to make Michael jealous? Is Jamie going to go after her? Is Rachel going to the opening of Eagle’s new restaurant? What am I going to wear to the opening? (Etc.)


For your mid-afternoon slump: Michael Stagliano is ridiculous.

Michael Stagliano has revealed his mystery girlfriend from Chicago to the world.  He posted a picture of the two of them on Instagram last night with the caption, “Finally get to post this. : ) #lovelikethis”

It’s worth noting that #lovelikethis is the name of his tour. What’s that? You didn’t realize he was a singer/songwriter? Well, he is. And judging from this picture, a very serious one.

Interested in supporting his fledgling music career? Well, great news — according to his website, you can get a love note (and shirt) from him for the bargain basement price of $20.

Click on the T-Shirt to check out the ‘Stag Swag’ #LoveLikeThis Tees available now! If you order one, I’ll personally write you a thank-you/love note. No carbon copies, no mass-production. From me, with love (like this), to you. Thank you!

Wow, he’ll write me the note himself?! No carbon copies? I didn’t realize such a famous musician would have time to write notes to his fans. Now you’re probably asking yourself, how do I let him know that I am a HUGE fan? Well, not to worry, his website has a place for you to sign up to be a part of the Michael Stagliano fan club. Yes, that’s right, he has an official FAN CLUB.

In case none of the information I have shared thus far has convinced you that he is completely ridiculous, please be advised that he chose to wear a pageboy hat for a promotional photo.

That should do it.

 


For your mid-afternoon slump: Bachelor Pad – The Restaurant (a guest post)

Today’s guest post comes to us from my good friend, Jane. Like me, Jane is a fan of Twitter stalking, all Bach-related shows, real-life crime shows, wine, and talking smack. Perhaps that is why we are such good friends.

Last night brought the ending to yet another embarrassingly entertaining season of the Bachelor Pad. And as always, with the end of a season, brings the contestants last ditch efforts to stay in the public eye. As I scoured Twitter this morning for today’s breaking celebrity bachelor news, I saw this press release on Chris the Eagle’s Twitter:

Chris Bukowski has teamed up with distinguished chef Dimitri Moshovitis (no idea who this is, but if they aren’t on Top Chef, I wouldn’t), as well as Nick Peterson (Bachelor Pad Winner in case you can’t remember him from the show) and several other ‘Bachelorette’ alumni, to create a fresh, new dining experience. Opening soon in the Washington DC Metro Area is their latest undertaking, an all-female sports bar and restaurant…The restaurant will boast seasonal and dynamic menu items, as well as innovative yet classic cocktails, all served by the most knowledgeable female sports enthusiasts around.

First thought: Hooters with slightly better food. More or less the same uniforms unless this Dimitri fellow puts up a fight.

Second thought: Who are the others involved? Upon more research, I found that Ed and Kalon will also be investing in the new venture. I’m sorry, maybe I missed something (doubtful), but when did any of these guys become restaurateurs? Chris is a corporate sales director for who knows what, Kalon is a luxury brand consultant (no clue what that means) and Nick apparently calls himself a model and actor. In my opinion, Ed is bringing the most to the table here. Although he’s a technology nerd consultant, no one can question his loyalty to alcohol. He will surely be the driving force behind the “innovative yet classic cocktails.”

Third thought: Most knowledgeable female sports enthusiasts around. Hmmm. Good luck with that.

Fourth thought: I wonder if Blakely is reconsidering her cross-country move now that there is going to be a fancy Hooters on the East Coast

ERRRRRR (that’s my car coming to a crashing halt sound) WAIT? WHAT? A new article just came out where the Eagle explains that the sports bar and restaurant is FOR WOMEN where they serve small plates like tapas. This provides a whole new list of thoughts.

  1. A sports bar for women? I’m a sports fan (Go Pats!), but the only reason I go a sports bar is to appease my husband. And single ladies go to look at boys and lure them in with their fake interest in sports.
  2. Small plates? Who on earth watches sports with some jicama and tapenade?
  3. Either this is going to be an epic failure or the best gay bar in DC.
  4. What was their thought process here? I see it going something like this: Chris: “Dude, every girl in the U.S. hates me. How can I seem important and meet a lot of girls.” Ed: “We should open a sports bar and restaurant for girls. So many girls and no competition.” Chris: “Great idea, let’s do it.”