Bachelor Sean Ep. 6: Canada looks cold.

yes please

Good thing I stocked up on wine over the weekend because last night was the second episode of Bachelor this week. I’m not sure why there were two in one week, but I’m definitely not complaining. Sean and the ladies head to Canada, where Sean hopes to shake off the Montana blues. The date card arrives, and Catherine, Daniella, and Tierra are the only ones who haven’t had a 1-on-1 date yet, so they are waiting with nervous anticipation to find out who is getting the first 1-on-1 of the week. Catherine gets the date, and Daniella is devastated. Or drunk. (Probably a mix of both.) She informs us that she is literally the only one who hasn’t spent an extended period of time with Sean. Sad for her, but on a bright note, this is literally the first time this season she has used the word literally correctly.

Catherine and her ginormous hoop earrings wait for Sean in the middle of a blizzard because Sean wants to put her through the “blizzard test.” I have no idea what that is, but I do know this — it sounds horrible, and I would probably fail that test. Luckily for Catherine, she oozes fake excitement, so when Sean arrives in some sort of snow bus and hands her a snow suit, she acts like it’s the best thing that has ever happened. Catherine boards the bus, and the two play with the intercom system and pretend they are super witty and entertaining.


They arrive somewhere else in the blizzard and frolic in the snow, and all I can think about is the fact that the snow really does not agree with Sean’s hair/eyebrows.


Get him to a tropical destination, stat.

After Catherine giggles for hours straight and Sean is sufficiently convinced that they could be best friends, he takes her to an ice castle for dinner. Could this date possibly be any colder?


Catherine wants to make sure Sean realizes she is super deep, so she tells him that when she was 12, she watched a tree fall on her friend at camp and kill her. Because of that experience, Catherine is determined to find her soulmate. I don’t really see the connection, but I guess everyone wants Sean to know they have a dead friend.  Sean thanks Catherine for opening up to him by making out with her.


And, as to be expected since she told him about a dead friend, Sean gives Catherine a rose.

The group date is next, and Sean and the girls go canoeing on Lake Louise. Apparently this season of the Bachelor is sponsored by canoe manufacturers worldwide.


They arrive at their destination, and Sean informs the ladies that they are going to jump in the frigid water in bathing suits, but, don’t worry, it has a special name (polar bear plunge), so it must be fun. Lindsay is overly enthusiastic about it and tells us that she is an outdoorsy girl, so she’s totally in her element. Lesley is also way too excited about jumping in an icy lake. Selma is all, oh h*ll no; I’m not messing up my hair and makeup (which is probably for the best because she is no princess without makeup) and decides to reapply her lip gloss on her freakishly plump lips while the other suckers jump in the lake.


Tierra and her classy bikini don’t waste any time getting out of the water.


But apparently it isn’t soon enough because Tierra starts flipping out, which of course makes everyone else flip out, and she is taken away in a van and given coffee, which apparently is the cure for hypothermia. She looks pretty.

photo 1

Tierra then changes and is put to bed but not before she finds an oxygen tank because how else will Sean know how serious her fake hypothermia is if she doesn’t have tubes in her nose? Sean comforts her and then takes off for the cocktail party with the non-insane ladies. Tierra miraculously recovers and shows up at the cocktail party to the disappointment of everyone else there. Ultimately Lesley gets the rose, I guess because she was super fake excited about jumping in the lake.


After the group date is over, Sean does some thinking and decides that he doesn’t see himself with Sarah, so the fairest thing to do is to humiliate her in front of all the other girls and send her home that night. Yeah, you really spared her feelings on that one, Sean.

photo 2

Time for Des and Sean’s second 1-on-1 date, and thankfully there are no stupid pranks on this one. They rappel down a mountain as slowly as possible before picnicking next to a tree. Des is all, omg I am the best tree climber ever, and Sean is all, omg no I am. So the two of them both climb the tree and celebrate their awesome tree climbing skills with a kiss. 


Nighttime rolls around, and Sean takes Des to a teepee to hang out (which we soon learn makes Des feel right at home because she actually lived in a tent for 4 months as a child). Sean embraces the Native American vibe of the evening by wearing a hideous cardigan.


Somehow Des is able to keep a straight face while talking to him despite the fact that he looks like a moron. Then they start making out, and I see WAY too much of Sean’s tongue.

photo 3

This picture really doesn’t do the make-out scene justice.

Time for the cocktail party, and Selma throws a Hail Mary and decides she should kiss Sean to compensate for not partaking in the polar bear plunge. She gives him a pathetic peck and then comments that her mom is going to be so embarrassed  Yeah, it’s going to be the peck that embarrasses her and not the fact that your boobs are hanging out everywhere. Ultimately, the kiss was too little too late for Selma, and she gets the boot at the rose ceremony. Drunk Daniella and her hideous roots are also sent packing, and she’s upset but says she is keeping a straight face. Which is weird because she isn’t.

photo 4

Unfortunately, Bachelor isn’t on for a third straight night tonight so, until next week, be well and stay warm.

2 Comments on “Bachelor Sean Ep. 6: Canada looks cold.”

  1. christinaroy says:

    nope, im pretty sure sean is not outdoorsy. he couldnt even chop a piece of wood the other night! im at the point where i am starting to not like sean. what is up with tierra? seriously, can he not see through it? thanks for the recap, as always they are hysterical! amanda came to visit today with little baby thomas and i was telling her how much i enjoy reading your posts:)

  2. Did you catch how many burgers Tiera snarfed while waiting to warm up?

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